People who love each other form an attachment to one another. It is this bond that allows us to be loyal, stay committed, and even make sacrifices for the relationship. Couples who have a secure attachment know one another deeply. We are able to soothe, comfort, and reassure one another regardless of our individual differences or disagreements we may have. In fact, difficult circumstances can bring us even closer to one another. Challenges can also serve to draw us even closer together.

Couples who seek therapy often have an insecure attachment with one another. This is due to various reasons, some of which relate to difficulties with trust and the inability to express emotion to those who mean the most to us. This could have its genesis in earlier relationships.

The result is that a negative cycle is created between these couples. Each partner gets more and more hurt over time, and the relationship gets more and more distressed. The “negative cycle” spirals down, and takes on a life of its own. Very soon couples are in crisis; feeling anxious or becoming numb and distant.

The goal of couples therapy is to reconnect the two partners. We do this together by taking control of the negative cycle that has separated you. You may begin to realize that your needs for love, support, comfort and protection are hidden by your harsh and angry words. You are guided to explore your needs more openly, and as you do so together you will form a foundation of trust and intimacy in your relationship.

The counseling method that works on developing secure attachment in relationships is called Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). This is a short-term, systematic, and tested intervention that aims to create secure attachment bonds between loved ones and to reduce distress. A recent meta-analysis of the best studies found 70-73% of couples to be recovered from marital distress after EFT therapy sessions and 90% of couples to have significantly improved.
To learn more about this method please visit the EFT Web Site: www.EFT.ca